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Joke
May 26, 2008 0:15:59 GMT
Post by murphy on May 26, 2008 0:15:59 GMT
This time of year we need them! Old joke!
Football story.........it's been around a while - but so have we............
The Lewes manager sent scouts out and around the world looking for a new striker to replace and hopefully get them out of relegation. One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a superstar. The manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the pan. Two weeks later Lewes are 4-0 down with only 20 minutes left to play. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Lewes. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today. We were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".
"Wonderful ", says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, all while you were having a great time".
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry".
"Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Lewes in the first place"
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Joke
May 28, 2008 15:07:17 GMT
Post by walker on May 28, 2008 15:07:17 GMT
A man was found dead in a ditch the other day with tights, suspenders, high heals, make up,fake boobs and a lewes shirt on, the police removed the lewes shirt to avoid any embarresement to the family.
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Joke
May 31, 2008 23:10:28 GMT
Post by kieran on May 31, 2008 23:10:28 GMT
Consider the original once stolen and changed
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Joke
May 31, 2008 23:26:04 GMT
Post by murphy on May 31, 2008 23:26:04 GMT
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Joke
Jun 1, 2008 18:29:27 GMT
Post by kieran on Jun 1, 2008 18:29:27 GMT
Boro's new training method.
Garry Wilson placed eleven dustbins in formation on the pitch and had his team practice dribbling around them and passing between them before shooting for goal.
After just one session he had to abandon this method of training for reasons of team morale: the dustbins won 6-0.
And no, this can't be changed to Lewes, because we would lose by more what with having more bins than players right now!!
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Joke
Jun 1, 2008 19:47:21 GMT
Post by ebfccraig on Jun 1, 2008 19:47:21 GMT
Bye then MR K ;D
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Joke
Jun 1, 2008 20:22:12 GMT
Post by Andy on Jun 1, 2008 20:22:12 GMT
so our 7-2 victory what was Lewes using in training :S
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Joke
Jun 1, 2008 22:09:55 GMT
Post by seano on Jun 1, 2008 22:09:55 GMT
[be]Has bins![/be]
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Joke
Jun 1, 2008 23:00:15 GMT
Post by shameless on Jun 1, 2008 23:00:15 GMT
Copied from Lewes forum. Good job we can laugh at ourselves?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After a visit to the doctor, Scott Ramsay, Boro's centre forward dropped in to his local pub for a quick one. "What's up mate?" asked his friend Brian, "you look worried."
"Yes, I am," Scott replied. "I've just been to the doctor's and he told me I can't play football."
"Oh, really?" said Brian. "He's seen you play too then, has he?"
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Joke
Jun 2, 2008 22:38:29 GMT
Post by kieran on Jun 2, 2008 22:38:29 GMT
And the bloomin thing is, we'll probably sign him now!!
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Joke
Jun 6, 2008 13:18:44 GMT
Post by shameless on Jun 6, 2008 13:18:44 GMT
I think we have got a decent quality team now, so doubt that. I reckon that G&N have gone on holiday happy with what they have achieved and signed.
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Joke
Jun 8, 2008 21:55:38 GMT
Post by brains on Jun 8, 2008 21:55:38 GMT
The Haircut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill, and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased, and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning, there is a 'thank you' card, and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card, and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card, & a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' & 'Becoming More Successful.
Then, a Politician comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the Fundamental difference between the Citizens of our country and the members of our Government WALKING THE DOG
A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!
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